THINGS THAT MY WIFE NO LONGER USES

RoseMary arrivd hom frm work early 1day n found ha huzy, Sam Steppah,in bed wth another gal.
"That's t!" she shoutd, "am leavin n am nt comin bak!"
Sam Steppah:Wait hon he pleaded Can't u @ least lemmi xplain?"
RoseM: Fine, let's hea ur story.
Sam: Well, I was drivin hom when I saw ths poor gal sittin @ the side of the rd,barefut,torn clothes,covered in mud n sobbin," e "I immedtly tok pitd ha n a...sked if she wld lik 2 get cleand up.She got into the car,brot her hom.Afta shower,gav ha a pair of the underwear tht doesn't fit u anymor,dress tht I bot u lst yr tht u nevr wore,shoes u bot bt nevr used n even gave her som of the chicken u had in the fridge bt didn't serve me."
"Then," Sam contind, "I showd ha 2 the door n she thnkd me.As she was walkn dwn,she turned around n askd me, 'Is there anything else ur wife doesn't use anymore?'"

visitor

Husband to his wife: honey, I invited a friend home for supper.

Wife: What!? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didnt go shopping,ol the dishes r dirty,an I dont feel lik cookin fancy meal.

Huz: I know ol that.
...
Wife: Then y did u invite ur friend 4 supper?

Huz: Becos the poor fool is thinking about getting married.

twisted penis

In a public loo;

Jaymo glanced over and noticed that Roba's pen*s was twisted lik a
corkscrew.

... Jaymo: I've nver seen 1 lik that be4!.
Roba: Like what?

Jaymo: All twisted like a pig's tail.
Roba: Well, what's urs like?.

Jaymo:Straight,like normal.
Roba: I thot mine was normal until I saw urs.

Jaymo finished pee-ing n startd 2 give his old boy a shakedown prior
2 putting t back in his pants.

Roba: What and why did u do that for?.
Jaymo: Shaking off the excess drops.

Roba: Damn! and all these yrs I've been wringing it!